Mixed Feelings Chapter 1
by Gentle Hina
Summary: weeelll, this is chapter one! I'm going to continue this!-not that anyone's gonna read this- -bows- I hope you will enjoy it!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: What are these feelings?

I've been watching Alfred for some time, and no matter how I look at it, I've come to realise that I have some minor feelings for him.  
But the big question remains: what are these feelings? I know that I have them, but what ARE they? But...I know that he doesn't feel anything for me, he has feelings for Arthur... I'm not really that jealous, just disappointed.

"Alfred, over here!" Arthur calls to me. Here we go again.....

"I'm MATTHEW, not Alfred!" I say as I point to myself with my cheeks puffed out. He blushes a bit from embarrassment, then scratches his head.

"Sorry Matthew. Do you know where Alfred is? We were supposed to meet here at the park an hour ago, and he still hasn't shown."

I shake my head no, remembering that I 'forgot' to tell Alfred about Arthur. We share an apartment because Alfred's job doesn't pay him enough, and we have to share a cellphone to boot. I remember telling Arthur that Alfred said that he'd come, but I was lying out of jealousy to be honest.

"Maybe he forgot Arthur-San. You know how Alfred is. He's probably at McDonald's, knowing him." I tell him, the jealousy boiling in me. Arthur sighs angrily, then walks away. Maybe I should have told him the truth? But then Alfred would get closer to him, and that would ruin the tiny chance I have to be with him. Hm...now that I think about it, Arthur will ask Alfred about the meeting at the park-which he didn't know about-, and then they'll confront me about it. I'll just come up with an alibi. No big deal. My stomach growls, interrupting my thoughts. 'I'll just go to I hop.' I mumble to myself as I walk out of the park. The wind blow, smacking my bangs into my glasses. I pull out some hair clips to hold my bangs back, then continue on my way to I hop.

When I'm finally seated at a booth, I see Alfred and Arthur at a table, apparently laughing at a joke or something. I sigh, then bury my face into my bear, Kumajiro. "Sir, here's your food." the waiter tells me. "Ah, thank you." I say, blushing from embarrassment. I pick up my knife and fork and begin to eat my pancakes. My eyes slide over back to Arthur and Alfred, who are talking again. I feel my anger burning, but inside of letting it out, I keep it in. I don't want to make them mad, or ruin their...date. By the time I've finished, they're laughing again. And I heard what they were talking about. 'Matthew's always been so jealous. I bet if a bird was getting more attention then him, he'd try to kick it away!' WHAT NICE FRIENDS I HAVE. I puff my cheeks in anger, then look away from them. I leave the money for my food on the table, then as I was about to pick up Kumajiro, Arthur and Alfred spotted me as they were getting up from their table. "Hey Matthew! I didn't know you were here!" Alfred says as he walks to where I'm sitting. "I didn't know you were here either, Alfred! What a surprise!" I say with a painted smile on my face. Arthur stares at me, sorta like he's trying to make me stay away from Alfred or something. I just smile on through, hoping they won't see my anger and jealousy growing.

After we talked for a bit, Alfred decided to make me tag along with them to the mall. "I don't know, Alfred. I still have to write my report for 's science class. And I have to start on my math homework for 's class." Alfred frowned, and Arthur seemed to have a spark of joy in his eyes. I looked at Alfred, then at Arthur. Hm...if I go home, it would mean that Arthur would have his way. But I if go with them, I would win against him. "But, I could always start later." Alfred grinned and Arthur frowned. Alfred grabbed my hand and Arthur's hand, then dragged us to the mall, and I was blushing the whole time because Alfred was holding my hand. When we got into the mall, Alfred ran off, apparently because of something he ate at Ihop. It wasn't that Alfred ran off that bothered me. It was because I was left alone with Arthur, and so far me and him weren't exactly the best of friends. He gave me a dirty look, then growled.

"He's not interested in you, Matthew," Arthur said with his arms crossed, "and it won't help if you lie to him and me. You're only making it harder then it is. If he WAS interested in you, don't you think that he would have showed signs or something to imply it?" I flinched, not expecting Arthur to say something so...cruel. "I don't like him. And I didn't lie. I told him, but he must have not been paying attention. I would never go for someone who has no feelings for me." I say while looking ahead, my grip around Kumajiro growing tighter by the second.

"Did Alfred give you that?" Arthur said while pointing to Kumajiro. It seemed like he was trying to be a little friendly, which was weird considering what he had just said to me. "Yeah. When we were little, he made it for me by scratch. He said it took him alot of tries to get it right." Arthur looked Kumajiro over, then grabbed it from my hands. He rotated Kumajiro around, like he was looking for something on him. "Hm...what would happen if I pulled this string?" It took me a moment to register what he was talking about, but then it hit me. "N-no! Don't pull that!" but he didn't listen, and so Kumajiro's head fell off. Arthur smirked, then gave me Kumajiro back. Talk about a bad day. I tried my best to remain calm, which was pretty hard since I've grown attached to it over all these years. Used to, I didn't like Kumajiro, but I don't remember why. I grabbed a travel sewing kit out of my pocket, sat down on a bench, then tried my best to sew Kumajiro's head back on. I looked up to see no sign of Alfred, and to find that Arthur had left me all alone; it didn't bother me, eveyone's done that to me. When I finally finished sewing Kumajiro head the mall was closing, and I had to run to get out in time. I looked at my watch: 11:02. Alfred's probably home by now...

I made a desperate run for our apartment, hoping that Alfred wouldn't be too mad at me because of the time. But surprisingly enough, by the time I got there, no one was home. I grabbed the house key from my pocket and opened the door slowly. I threw off my shoes and plopped down on the chair next to the window, tired and exhausted. I closed my eyes and tried to relax, which was going pretty well. Until I heard Arthur and Alfred outside laughing and joking around. I opened my eyes to find them kissing each other goodbye, which sorta turned out into a make out session. I felt the tears coming up, then made a dash for my bedroom. I cryed into my pillow, the negative thoughts in my mind making it worse. "Why not me?" I asked myself as I quickly pulled myself together. Luckily for me, when I had fully recovered from it, Alfred had walked into the bedroom.

"Why'd ya ditch us at the mall?" Alfred asked me, pouting. If I tell him, I'll ruin their relationship... "Kumajiro's string got caught on a bush, and I had to fix it." I hope he'll buy it. Alfred looked at me with a curious look, then shrugged. "With all those plants in there, it was bond to happen. Don't worry, I'll fix him." Alfred sat on the bed, pulled out a sewing kit, then started to work. My chest hurts, and it won't stop. I know that I should tell him....but he just seems so happy. If I ruin it for him, it would just kill me on the inside and would hurt him.

"There, all better~!" Alfred said with a grin as he gave me Kumajiro back. "T-thanks, Alfred. Um, I going to bed." I ran into the bathroom and changed, then buried my face in the bed so Alfred wouldn't see me blushing. Alfred fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, but I couldn't get to sleep. Upstairs, I heard Tara and Ivan arguing AGAIN about who would go to bed first. I got up and walked to the medicine cabinet to find that all the sleeping pills were gone, and that even the Advil bottle was empty. Great. I slumped, then as I made my way back to the bed, my eyes caught view of a jacket that Alfred gave me one year ago. 'Hey, Matty! This suits you perfectly!' 'But Alfred, I don't really need it.' 'So? It's better to be prepard then to be sorry!~' I remember it really well because that was the day I lost my probably only chance to be with him. I was about to ask him if he liked me when he got a text message from Arthur. 'Matty, guess what?!' I tilted my head. 'What?' 'Me and Arthur are going on a date' I had smiled for him, and after he ran off to see Arthur I had a breakdown on the way home. I had stayed in the rain for about four hours until I calmed down, then I had walked home. The jacket had somehow kept me from getting a cold, which proved that Alfred was right. Alfred wasn't home, so I had to wait on the porch because that was before we each had a key. I was dried when he got back, and he was so happy he didn't even notice that I had worn that jacket after all. Damn, I'm gonna make myself have a breakdown again if I keep this up...

~*MORNING*~ By the time I got to sleep, the alarm clock went off. "Matthew, wake up~! It's time for school!~" I reluctantly sat up only to feel barf coming up.  
"Hm..." Alfred put his hand on my forehead, which felt really cold. "You're really warm, Matthew. You're gonna stay home, and I'm gonna take care of you. I'll go call in sick." Alfred got up from the bed, then grabbed our cellphone. I wanted to stop him, but I felt like I was gonna die if I sat up any longer, so I just plopped back down and closed my eyes. I felt Alfred get on the bed, then put something cool on my forehead. It sort of made me sleepy. Alfred picked me up and carried me to the couch; he put me in his lap, and turned on the TV. "uh?" I mumbled, out of it.

"Well, when I'm sick, TV always helps me! Just try to listen to it and it'll help." I listened to Scrubs reruns for a while-which did sort of help-  
then I fell asleep. Next thing I know when I open my eyes, I'm lying RIGHT NEXT TO ALFRED on the bed! I felt my face turn red, but I didn't do anything because I still felt like shit. "Go back to sleep...." Alfred mumbled to me in his sleep which was followed by snoring. I sighed, then curled up next to him, slowly falling back asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: a frozen smile

When I woke up, Alfred was in the bathroom-I could tell by him singing an Elvis song-and it was seven a.m. I got out of the soft bed and walked over to my drawers to get dressed. I pulled out a red long sleeved shirt and a pair of blue jeans and grabbed the jacket that had been laying on the floor since a year ago. I pulled the red shirt over my head, then straightened it, finding that I lost about six pounds because of the flu I had. "Matthew~!" Alfred glomped me from behind, making me drop my shoe.

"A-Alfred? W-What are you doing?!" I yelled as my face turned red again. Alfred gave me a confused look. "You're better, right? So, come with me to the fair!" Just with him? Knowing my luck, something will happen to ruin this. "Isn't Arthur going to come with?" Alfred puffed out his cheeks, making him look more childish then he already is. "Arthur said that he had to take care of his mom, so he can't come." I gave a sigh of relief. Finally, a day without any Arthur! "OK, I'll go." I say while squeezing out of Alfred's grasp, then I picked up my shoe. "How do you all ways do that?!" Alfred whines while flailing his arms. "You do that every morning, whether I'm sick or not! I've gotten a lot of practice!" I say as I bonk his head with my shoe, puffing out my cheeks as well. Alfred grinned at me, then went to wait for me to make him some pancakes. When he left the room, I blushed a bright red and let out a tiny squeal. "I can't believe I did that!" I said, hitting myself on the head with my shoe. I sighed, then left to make some breakfeast in the kitchen.

"YAY~! FOOD~!" Alfred yelled as I set the plate of five pancakes in front of him. "Really Alfred, learn to make them yourself!" "Awww, but Matty! If I make them they won't taste good at all!~" he whined as he poured half of the mayple syrup on his pancakes. I stopped eating, realizing that he hasn't called me "Matty" in about a year or so. "What? Are you feeling bad AGAIN?" Alfred whined as he put his fork and knife down. "N-No! I was just thinking about something!" Alfred raised his eye brow at me, then dismissed it as he began to eat his food again. "Oh yeah!" I say, remembering something. "Hmmm~?" "Tomorrow I have to see my grandpa in the country." Alfred glomped me again, which made me drop my fork. "NO~!! MATTY! DON'T VISIT HIM!!" Alfred's never had a problem before about this...

"Why? What's so bad about grandpa?" Sure, grandpa may have 'accidently' thrown that knife at Alfred, but that was when we were little. Alfred put on his rare serious face, then pointed towards the bathroom. "The ghost is back." he said while pointing the the other bathroom. "For the last time, there's no ghost! Ghosts aren't real!" "That's what you think! It was turning that shower on and off the other day!" "You KNOW those bathrooms are connected. When you turn a shower knob on one of them, it affects the other." Alfred flailed his arms at me,  
which caused me to duck under the table for fear of being hit. "Matthew! I'm seri-...why are you under the table?" I crawled out while puffing my cheeks at him. "You were going to hit me!" Alfred just grinned like an idiot while he pulled me up. I almost tripped because he pulled me up that fast, which made me blush a bit.

"Hm?" Alfred said, confused and unaware of his own strengh. "N-nothing! Uh, shouldn't we get ready to leave?" Alfred ran into the bedroom and came out with our cellphone and our bags. "It's your turn to have the cellphone~! And we should take our shoulder bags in case we get alot~!" I grabbed my bag and the cellphone, nodded, then went into the kitchen to get some soda since the soda at the fair tastes like shit. Just when we stepped out the door, a strong, cold wind blew into us. Alfred dragged me back inside to get our jackets. He grabbed his jacket with the number 50 on the back and I grabbed the jacket that he got for me. He made me wear and scarf but wouldn't wear one himself because he complained that they were going to choke him. "Now, LET'S GO~!" Alfred said while pointing at the fair, then grabbed my hand and dragged me there. Now, that was perfectly fine, but it wasn't fine when he made ME pay for the tickets. I should have know that he wanted someone to go to pay for him! But....at least he choose me. But he wanted Arthur to go, and since he couldn't...I was the next best thing...

"Matthew?" Alfred was waving his hand in front of my face. "S-sorry, I was thinking!" I said, blush coming to my cheeks. Alfred grinned at me. "You sure do that alot, uh? Come on, let's go on some rides!~" "Wait-" Alfred had already wondered off before I could finish. "Alfred..."

I love fairs, I really do. But they're not fun when you're completely lost and you have no idea where the person you came here with is. I had tried to chase after Alfred, but I guess I still couldn't run good from the flu, and I had to stop so I didn't fall from exhaustion. Now, I've wondered somewhere between the tall roller coaster and the haunted house, and I have to use the bathroom. Ugh! People sort of seem to notice that I'm lost, but they don't really do anything. Great! Just great! Just then, the fair started to play New Found Glory's version of Love Fool, which honestly reminds me of how desperate I am with Alfred. "Haunted House? BOOYA!" I turn around to see Alfred run into the Haunted House like a little child runs for candy. "Alfred, wait!" I was just about to run in, but stopped at the entrance. "Isn't this a moment in those manga where the girl runs into a Haunted House after her friend to realize that she's gotten lost? And she ends up having to be rescued by the boy she likes? Honestly, I've ready too manga of those types of manga out of boredom to be stupid enough to run into there chasing after Alfred." Is what I said, but I ran in there anyway. And I'm lost. And to be honest, I don't like Haunted Houses. I had to outrun a guy with a chainsaw, and then I tripped and fell and lost my glasses which are doomed to remain lost. I hate today so much.

"OK, so if I had gotten in here about ten minutes ago, maybe someone who keeps track of who goes in will realize that I haven't come out yet, and they'll send someone to search. But what if they didn't notice?" UGH!! JUST FUCKING GREAT! I'LL NEVER CHASE AFTER ANYONE AT ANY FAIR EVER AGAIN! SCREW EVERYONE! I'M NEVER GOING WITH ALFRED TO THIS FAIR AGAIN! I shouldn't blame Alfred from my stupid actions. I should have at least gave SOME thought to waiting for him to get out and to actually keep up with him. But no, I had to run in after him and get lost. Knowing Alfred, he's probably gotten out already!

"Like, what are you doing? You've like, been sitting on the floor for like a really long time!" Felix said as he stood in front of me. I quickly got up; I don't want to lose my chance to get out! "Well, I got lost, and I tripped and now I've lost my glasses." Felix pulled something out of his pocket, then held it out to me. "Are those my glasses?" I said while squinting my eyes. "Like duh! I would know your like uncool glasses from like a mile a away." "Thanks." I say while rolling my eyes. Felix rolled his eyes in response to my action, then pulled out a piece of paper. "This is like Alfred's cell number. You should like call it." Felix skipped away before I could ask the way out, which pissed me off a bit. I look at the number on the piece of paper to find it wasn't our cell phone number. "What's going on? He agreed that we would share a cell phone so we could pay the bill easier." I mumbled to myself. I punched in the numbers and listened to about five rings, then a answering machine. "This is Alfred~! Sorry I can't answer right now, but I'm busy being the hero! Leave your name and number and I'll get back to you!" I didn't leave a message. I probably should have, but I'm too pissed to. I probably shouldn't be mad, but...we had agreed! And we have to pay monthly bills for the apartment AND our cellphone! Suddenly, I felt my chest tighten up, and it was getting hard to breath. This hasn't happened since I was nine! I instinctively started to reach in my bag, but remembered that I didn't have any medicine for it. I used a wall to help me get back up, but when I tried to walk, I tripped and blacked out.

~*~*~*~*~*~Alfred's POV~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I heard my cell phone ring and quickly tried to find it in my bag, but I couldn't reach it in time. I flipped it open to find that.  
Matthew called? I've never told him about my cellphone, so why does he-...Poland. That little rat! He always has to meddle between me and Matthew! I closed the cellphone, then decided to try and find Matthew. "Hm...if I was Matthew, where would I be?" I said to myself as I slide through a crowd a people. "Hm? Why is someone getting taken into a ambulance?" I ran to where people were crowding.

"Uh, excuse me, but what's going on?" I asked a twenty something year old guy. "Someone passed out in the Haunted House because he didn't have any of his medience. He seems pretty bad." "Thanks." I slide through until I got to the front of the crowd, which took a while.

"Who's Alfred Jones?" One of the medics yelled. I stepped forward with a bad feeling in my stomach. "So, you're Alfred?" he asked. "Yes sir.  
I'm Alfred F. Jones. What happened?" I asked, the bad feeling getting worse. "This young man has had an attack from an childhood disease, and he keeps asking us, 'Where's Alfred? Where is he?'. He's getting worse, and it seems that he hasn't been taking his medicine since he was nine. Do you know why he hasn't been taking it?" My eyes are wide, and now that bad feeling is growing even more. "I-I didn't even know he had a disease, sir. He never told me at all." The guy's partner signaled him to come to the ambulance. "Sir, can I please go with you?" I begged. He nodded, then ran to the ambulance. When I got on, I saw Matthew on a stretcher. He has a breathing mask on and a cord was in his hand. I sat next to him, tears coming to my eyes. His eyes were slightly opened, and his breathing was slow.

"Matthew, why didn't you tell me you had a disease? Why?" I begged, warm tears falling out. "Because.....I didn't want...to interrupt your happiness." he said weakly, his voice sounding cracked a bit. "Where's Alfred?....Where is he?" Matthew asked one of the men. "He's right there. You were just talking to him. "That isn't him....Alfred is the hero....and that guy isn't....." His breathing was even slower, and my tears were coming out faster. "Matthew, I'm here! Please-" Matthew shook his head, then closed his eyes, not wanting to talk to 'that guy'.

"What's wrong with him?! This shouldn't be happening if he just had an attack that didn't involve his head!" I yelled at them, anger and sadness boiling in me. "We're trying to figure it out . Screaming won't help." the guy said. I hung my head, then sat back down.

"Where.....is..Alfred?..." Matthew asked again, his voice almost to a whisper. "I'm right here." I said to him, the tears still going.  
"Are you.....the hero..?" "I'm the hero." I said, not believing the words coming out of my own mouth. "Alfred...." he was smiling, his breathing was also slowing down. "Matthew? Matthew!" i cried, not receiving a response.


End file.
